


The Kids Are (Not) Alright

by notfreyja, Straight_Outta_Hobbiton



Series: Doubt The Stars [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Have Fun!, I think that covers it, M/M, Mild Gore, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Starvation, Tarsus IV, You Have Been Warned, descriptions of genocide, you know what that means
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 05:12:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7744636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notfreyja/pseuds/notfreyja, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straight_Outta_Hobbiton/pseuds/Straight_Outta_Hobbiton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jimmy goes to a new colony on Tarsus IV, every thing was supposed to be fine. Good, even.</p>
<p>He was supposed to have other kids to play with, become more socialized. Maybe even learn how to live off of a Starship.</p>
<p>No one was prepared for the reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is! The much dreaded Tarsus installment.
> 
> I know it's going to hurt, so just bare with me, and we'll get through it together.
> 
> (And if you live for angst, enjoy.)
> 
> The playlist for this can be found [here.](https://8tracks.com/starhobbit/the-kids-are-not-alright#smart_id=dj:16203706)
> 
> Follow [not-freyja](https://not-freyja.tumblr.com) and [straight-outta-hobbiton](https://straight-outta-hobbiton.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.

Lady Amanda Grayson, of the Schn T’gai House of Vulcan, knows most people do not understand her family.

 

Her fellow humans find her son and husband cold and aloof. They think them unfeeling, they see Sarek as her roommate more than a real husband. They think Spock to be completely Vulcan.

 

Other Vulcans have a different, yet no less flawed view. To them Sarek is a sexual deviant with a bond devoid of intellectual support. Personally, Amanda finds it hilarious that they think _Sarek_ is the smart one.

 

Spock, to Vulcans… Spock is a contradiction.

 

Her son is the height of genetic science. A hybrid of two species, native to separate planets, with not only a stable genetic makeup, but a predicted Vulcan lifespan and stable telepathy.

 

By scientific analysis alone, Spock is a crowning achievement for Vulcans.

 

By _social_ analysis, however, he is a blight.

 

Spock has human eyes. He has been known to cry and pout. He mourned for his Sehlat, I-Chaya. He loves his mother and fails to hide it.

 

He stays in the top ten percent of his class his entire academic career. But he develops no friendships, or even friendly acquaintances.

 

Amanda is proud.

 

Vulcans see him as a human stain upon their ancient, noble race.

 

Amanda had been under the impression that racism is illogical.

  


*.*

  


Jimmy Kirk is good for her son. Amanda knows this, but she can not make Sarek understand. She knows this from the moment the two boys meet.

 

Spock, an oh so mature seven, with real interest in a playmate for the first time in his life. Spock, not once complaining to her that he is being “imposed upon as a glorified babysitter,” as he had with other children of foreign diplomats.

 

Her proud, reserved son, looking at the four year old ball of human energy like he is not an annoyance, but a precious thing…

 

Amanda has never seen Spock look sad to bid a guest farewell before.

 

So months later, when his bond with T’Pring does not take, she suspects. Only for a moment — after all, Jimmy was human, four, and had only met Spock once.

 

But she suspects.

  


*.*

  


The thing about having her suspicion proved correct, is sometimes it’s hilarious, and sometimes it’s horrifying.

 

Catching her son eating strawberry ice cream (which he hates) is hilarious.

 

Finding him making out with Jimmy (without seeming to realize it) is a traumatic experience.

  


*.*

  


The thing is, Spock unknowingly having a human boy three years his junior for a wife doesn’t really affect much.

 

And yes, she does mean wife. It’s the closest translation she can find for Jimmy’s position in Vulcan society.

 

The worst part, for her at least, is that she can not discuss it with him. It would be a massive breach of her son’s privacy, by human standards, and a colossal failure of Vulcan etiquette on her part as well.

 

So she minds her business, answers Sybok’s endless stream of questions about his brother’s behaviour, and bites her lip as Sarek convinces himself that it is nothing more than a Telsu bond.

 

_Sure it is, sweetheart._

 

In fact, Spock’s bond becomes the worst kept secret in the Schn T’gai household. Considering how bad Vulcans are at lying, Amanda is astonished that Spock maintains his obliviousness.

 

And if she has to answer random questions about Earth’s cultural history or “human friendship rituals”, so be it. She can even deal with Spock when he’s unwittingly emulating Jimmy’s human emotions without a single spark of annoyance.

 

Having a bond with Jimmy makes her son happy.

 

Until the day it doesn’t.

  


*.*

  


Spock is sixteen and eating a pizza.

 

Wait, Amanda needs to clarify.

 

Spock, her militantly Vulcan son, is sitting at the diner table, at four in the afternoon, perfectly poised, and eating what appears to be an extra large cheese pizza with a knife and fork. _Spock_ , who has only eaten pizza once before, declared it overly messy and illogical (yes, food can apparently be illogical), and hasn’t been seen in the same room as the dish in ten years.

 

She watches him in silence for a moment or two, listening to the perfectly timed rhythm of his meal.

 

_Fork, cut, bite._

 

“Hello, Spock,” she ventures.

 

“Mother.”

 

_Fork, cut, bite._

 

“That’s…” She tries again. “That’s a pizza.”

 

_Fork, cut, bite._

 

“You have outstanding observational skills, mother.”

 

Okay, at least his sass isn’t broken. Whatever it is that’s going on can’t be too terrible, then.

 

“Where did you _get_ the pizza?”

 

“I reprogrammed the replicator. I assumed you would not protest.” _Fork, cut, bite._ “My apologies if I was mistaken.”

 

“You weren’t mistaken.”

 

Amanda bites her bottom lip, thinking. “Where did you learn to reprogram the replicator? You never told me you were becoming interested in coding.”

 

“I am not. James taught me.”

 

_Fork, cut, bite._

 

This whole time, and he hasn’t so much as looked up from his meal. Amanda decides to leave him be, and exits the room.

 

An hour later, Spock is absent from the table, and the pizza seems to have been finished. The _whole_ pizza.

 

Something is very wrong.

  


*.*

  


A month later, Sarek is away on business, not scheduled to return for five months, and therefore can be no help to Amanda’s current crisis.

 

Spock’s pattern of overeating that had begun as a curious abnormality has turned into a horrifying routine. There is not a moment she sees her son where he is not in the middle of either preparing himself a meal or consuming one.

 

The day she hears him throwing up in the bathroom after dinner, she locks herself in her bedroom and cries.

  


*.*

  


“What’s wrong, Spock? Talk to me!”

 

She’s getting desperate.

 

“To what are you referring, Mother?”

 

His eyes are dull, skin pale. Her child is in pain, she can not help. She is drowning in her own uselessness, her own lack of qualification for dealing with his pain.

 

Amanda did not know that Vulcans could even _get_ eating disorders.

 

“ _Spock._ ”

 

Her eyes were pleading, her voice almost a prayer. He answers.

 

“I am simply hungry, Mother.” His jaw clenches for a moment. “I find myself increasingly hungry at all times, beyond my body’s reasonable need for sustenance.”

 

Yes, he has consulted medical professionals. No, there was nothing physically wrong with him. No, he did not have a theory as to the cause of his metabolic upset.

 

And isn’t _that_ a way to phrase it.

 

“Have you talked to Jimmy about it?”

 

Not that Spock’s thirteen year old bondmate would be able to fix whatever is going on. But if there is one piece of Human advice Amanda has found practically universal, it is that seeking alternate opinions often leads to unexpected solutions.

 

Spock shook his head.

 

“I have not spoken to James in 78.4 days.”

 

Now that is a surprise. Those two have been attached at the communicator for six years.

  


*.*

  


Vulcans do not dream. Spock knows this, both factually, and from experience.

 

And yet…

 

For the past three months, he has not been getting sufficient rest. For whenever he enters REM sleep, his mind is filled with pain and fear.

 

He wakes screaming, the sight of red speckled across a white field lingering in his mind’s eye.

 

His days begin with hunger clawing at his insides, unexplained and unwarranted.

 

Spock has never dreamed. But he knows now what a nightmare is.

  


*.*

  


The nightmares are the last straw. A few nights ago, she was awaken in the dead of night by Spock’s hoarse screaming from his room.

 

For as long as she lives, she will never forget the sounds of his screaming. The sight of him thrashing in his bed.

 

She will never forgive herself for not hearing him days — no, _weeks_ earlier.

 

All she knows is she can’t handle this alone.

 

Amanda calls Sybok.

  


*.*

  


“Lady Amanda, I will need his permission.”

 

“I know.”

 

“He will not give it to me.”

 

“Sybok, he has _nightmares._ ”

 

“...I will arrive in 36 hours.”

  


*.*

  


“I do not wish to share my thoughts, brother.”

 

Of course he doesn’t. Sybok can tell just by looking at him that Spock is a mess. And from what Lady Amanda has said, the source has to be a mental one.

 

“Spock. Your mother insists that I look for the root of your current discomfort.”

 

Amanda barks  out a bitter laugh. “That’s one word for it. _Discomfort!”_

 

Spock clenches his right hand into a fist. A rather human gesture. Fascinating.

  


*.*

  


Spock’s mind is a wounded animal. It backs away from Sybok, lashing out in self defense. Even in the midst of a meld, his brother’s thoughts remained distant from him.

 

All Sybok is getting are waves of emotion. Fear, anger, and an overwhelming sense of protectiveness. None of this made any sense. He had to find the source.

 

Sybok was not prepared to stumble across his brother’s bond.

 

From a distance, the bond is nothing but warmth, safety, _home._

 

And then Sybok touches it. And the flood of pain he gets from the other side is enough to make him jump out of his brothers mind,

 

He’s shaking, Sybok can feel it.

 

He is shaking, and gasping and can not stop. Spock is crying.

 

Sybok has heard the rumors of Spock’s tendency for emotionalism, but he has never seen his brother cry.

 

After catching his breath, he turns to his stepmother. Lady Amanda’s cheeks are tear stained, human eyes wide and fearful.

  
“It’s Jimmy. Something has gone terribly wrong.”


	2. Chapter 2

A. Grayson

Where is your son?

 

W. Kirk

He’s with his cousins. On the Tarsus colony.

Why?

 

A. Grayson

He’s in trouble. You need to go get him.

 

Winona stares down at her communicator in shock. She had not been expecting any messages from Sarek’s wife, least of all in this line of conversation.

 

W. Kirk

What makes you say that?

 

A. Grayson:

You are aware of the telepathic aspect of a Vulcan marriage bond?

 

W. Kirk:

What the _fuck_ does that have to do with Jimmy?

 

A. Grayson:

Our children are married.

 

Winona pauses before replying. She has to think this over. _Don’t be stupid Kirk._

 

At first, it sounds crazy. James can’t be married. He’s only thirteen, and has probably spent less than two weeks total in Spock’s presence. That’s not how these things work.

 

She would know. Most of her staff is Vulcan.

 

Yet the more she thinks about some of the shit that’s come out of her kid’s mouth, the more sense it makes. That and she’s caught him doing the Vulcan Eyebrow of Sass on occasion.

 

And she had been under the impression that Jimmy had learned it from Syruk.

 

Well. Jimmy did say he was going to marry that boy someday.

 

He _decided._

 

W. Kirk:

Okay. I’ll bite. What makes Spock think something’s wrong?

 

A. Grayson:

He’s been binge eating. For months.

 

W. Kirk:

I thought Vulcans don’t get eating disorders.

 

A. Grayson:

The’y don’t.

 

*.*

 

In the end, it takes her five minutes to convince Number One they should swing by Tarsus IV. It takes both of them _ten minutes_ to bring the Captain around. No one even had to yell.

 

They make a good team.

 

*.*

 

 

W. Kirk:

Do they know?

 

A. Grayson:

They are aware of a connection. At least Spock is.

 

W. Kirk:

That’s a no?

 

A. Grayson:

That’s a no.

 

*.*

 

They enter into standard orbit above Tarsus IV six days later.

 

When a preliminary scan shows lifesigns at less than half of the official population, over three quarters of the crew volunteers to join the away mission.

 

In the end it’s Pike, Number One, Winona, and a team of security officers.

 

None of them are prepared for what they find.

 

*.*

 

The moment they reach the surface, they know.

 

They rematerialize in what _used_ to be a field of some crop. Probably corn.

 

All of the stalks are fallen and withered. Not a single sprout looks mature enough to have yielded a harvest before it’s demise. They are all covered in what looks like a chalky, white fungus.

 

It looks like a world of snow.

 

*.*

 

It takes them almost an hour to find the farm house. The smell that hits them when they open the door prevents all but Number One from entering. When she returns, there is a spark of anger in her normally cold eyes.

 

“They appear to have succumbed to starvation. I will go find James now.”

 

She was not asking for permission. Chris new better than to stop her.

 

“I’m going too!” Winona makes to follow her, but Pike holds her back. “Chris, what the fuck? Let me go!”

 

His voice is steady. At least his fear doesn’t show that much yet.

 

“Believe me when I say that you don’t _want_ to be anywhere near her right now.”

 

Something about his tone makes Winona stop struggling.

 

“If he’s out there, she’ll find him. And she’ll bring him home. We have bigger problems than one lost kid at the moment.”

 

He wished that wasn’t true. But from the looks of things so far…

 

“Ensign, where is the largest concentration of lifesigns?”

 

“Six miles due East, sir.”

 

“Lead the way.”

 

They set off in the opposite direction of Number One.

 

It only takes them half a mile to stumble across another rotting corpse.

 

They were going to need a larger away team. A Doctor or two…

 

This was going to be one hell of a shitty day.

 

*.*

 

Number One does not believe in leaving things to chance. Everything she’s ever done, for as long as she can remember has been a carefully calculated, risk assessed move in a long game of chess.

 

The problem is, sometimes she gets attached to people. She choses those people carefully, yes, but they are still variables. Unreliable pieces.

 

Which is why she has consistently had at least one tracker on James Kirk since he was four years old.

 

*.*

 

She finds him.

 

It takes her four hours, but she finds him.

 

He is a human skeleton. She can see the articulation of his ulna against his carpals.

 

He is filthy. Dirt and grime worn like a blanket, a shroud on his fragile human skin. The yellow of his hair matted with sweat and soil. A clump here or there gelled by what looks like dried blood.

 

He is angry. Fury _burns_ in his eyes. An accusation. It is silent, but it is strong.

 

_Why didn’t you come sooner? How could you let it get this far?_

 

His eyes scream at her.

 

_You left me here to die._

 

And he looks dead already.

 

Yet he is standing there, unwavering as the sky, between her and the group of emaciated children behind him. The heaving of his chest foretells a collapse at any moment. The set of his jaw broadcasts as clear as day. He will kill her if he has to.

 

He is anger incarnate.

 

There’s hope.

 

*.*

 

She has a medical team beam down to their location. The fire in Fonseca’s eyes is all the approval Number One needs.

 

“You’re going home now, Jimmy.”

 

He’s cradled against her chest. She’s not sure which of them resist her handing him off to the CMO more.

 

“But, my kid—”

 

“Will be coming with you. They require medical attention as well.”

 

His voice is deeper. He has aged. Grown taller. She mourns for the child she will never see again.

 

“You’re coming too.”

 

A question dressed up as an order. The first real hint of the Jimmy she knows. This does nothing but harden her resolve.

 

“I will be aboard shortly.”

 

Someone is responsible for this. This entire planet’s situation is far too dire for it to have been an act of nature. Somebody acted, and their actions broke something that was _hers._

 

“I have something I must attend to.”

 

There is a person on this world responsible for this. Justice will not come for the dead, but payment must be collected. The individual who has done things must suffer.

  
Number One does not believe in leaving things to chance.


	3. Chapter 3

Winona knows she’s not a good mother. She never has been. She was on the Kelvin for most of Sam’s early childhood. She missed a lot.

 

She missed his first words, his first steps. She wasn’t there to take him to his first day of school. So many missed birthdays. Christmases spent with her face fixed upon a screen. On occasion, Winona would feel bad about it. But then a fuse would short, a gasket would blow… she had a job to do.

 

And then there was Jimmy. And George was gone.

 

With him went every thought of white picket fence bullshit. But the boys were still there, and they needed their mother.

 

So she tried.  _ God,  _ did she try. There’s house in Riverside she’s still making mortgage payments on to this day.

 

Less than a year into playing house, Winona snapped. She started packing. All the necessities were crammed into the car. Trunk stuffed, passenger seat buried, and every space not taken up by Sam or the car seat occupied by clothes, books, holos, and what might possibly be the world’s most beat up chess set.

 

That drive to San Francisco was the first time Winona felt like herself since George’s signal went dead.

 

And things were good. Most of the time. Winona worked magic on her lady’s engine, Sam became more and more sensible by the day. Jimmy… well, Jimmy is a touchy subject.

 

He is the smartest kid (possibly person) she’s ever met. He can out sass a Vulcan by the age of five. He likes her movies, and shares her love of machines. He’s whooping her ass in chess regularly by six. He’s a little human hurricane and she loves him.

 

Jimmy has a temper. He likes to leap without looking. He has a tendency to create life threatening situations out of thin air.

 

He looks like George.

 

Winona loves her sons. Both of them. But sometimes she just doesn’t like having Jimmy around at all.

 

And then the day comes where he’s gone. Off to experience a planet in a way he never has before. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

No one will ever be able to tell Winona she’s a bad mother more than that feeling of relief did.

 

Now, though, Jimmy’s back. He’s skinny, and fragile, and it looks like a stiff breeze might knock him out. All Winona wants is to hold him close, tell him how much she loves him and will never leave him alone again.

 

But after everything he’s been through, she doesn’t have the right to lie to him.

  
  


*.*

  
  


Number One has not left James’ side in seven days. That’s because he has been unconscious for seven days, and she promised to keep watch for him.

 

Number One is many things. Many  _ bad  _ things. But she is not a liar.

 

So when the CMO puts him under, she promises the panic in his eyes away. Jimmy is not allowed to panic. She raised him better than that.

 

There she sits, back ramrod straight, sight fixed on the door, and hand in his hair.

 

Miles beneath her feet, clean up is beginning. Families are grieving, victims are starting to heal, and the officials of the federation search for the man responsible.

 

Number One knows that Governor Kodos will not be found. She can still feel the snap of his bones, see the red viscous drip of his blood. His screams echo in her ear.

 

She regrets she did not have more time.

  
  


*.*

  
  


When Jimmy wakes up, he does not cry. He doesn’t scream. He just asks her, in a voice so scratchy that her throat aches, for her to make the Captain take them to Vulcan.

 

“I want Spock.”

 

She nods, unquestioning. “Anything else?”

 

“And Gaila.”

 

“I will inform the Captain.”

 

She gets up and leaves medbay without so much as a backwards glance. After three long weeks, her watch is over. She may return to duty.

  
  


*.*

  
  


When they bring Gaila aboard, she does not speak. She just climbs into bed with Jim and pulls out her PADD. When Winona goes to check on them an hour later, they’re nearing the end of  _ The Sword in The Stone. _

  
  


*.*

  
  


When they tell him they’ve entered into orbit around Vulcan, it’s the first time Pike sees the kid smile since they left him on Tarsus a year prior.

 

Seeing that kid being wheeled into the transporter room is almost enough to make Chris cry. Jimmy is the little shit they have spent years pulling out of the walls. Jimmy causes peace talks to turn to screaming matches. He makes Vulcans laugh.

 

James Kirk was never meant to be in a chair. Even temporarily.

 

Chris doesn’t want to let him off the ship. He wants to keep Jimmy here, where he’s safe and loved. He wants to watch him get his strength back. He wants to spend his days being annoyed by his youngest passenger again.

 

But Jimmy wants to go to see Spock. So Pike bottles up all the things he wants to say, and gives the order.

  
“Energize.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your prayers have been answered!
> 
> Tarsus is over, and the boys will be reunited. We won't make you wait too long for the next installment, so never fear.

**Author's Note:**

> The playlist for this can be found [here.](https://8tracks.com/starhobbit/the-kids-are-not-alright#smart_id=dj:16203706)
> 
> Follow [not-freyja](https://not-freyja.tumblr.com) and [straight-outta-hobbiton](https://straight-outta-hobbiton.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


End file.
